Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top hosts spent the airtime mocking President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program which allows international nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. A government website pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note for you to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.